"How I turned it around."

I came close to dying more times then I can count.
The hardest time was my 2 heart infections.
I lived only through the help of others, family and friends.
The doctors and hospitals saved my life even the jails and prisons did.
I feel the only reason I am still alive is to give back to society
and others in someway. I have always felt like a parasite in this world.
Taking without ever giving.
That was the day I woke up. I am not the same person I once was.
I lived my early life by not caring about myself or what I did.
Sure everyone has a lot of suffering to deal with in this life,
but when I was young I couldn't get over my dad and sister dying.
It's not an excuse but just what happened.  I couldn't cope with my
feelings and emotions. I became numb to the world.
I got into drugs and spent the next decade getting into trouble
as a homeless junkie in between group homes, juvenile, jails,
institutions and the penitentiary. It was all my choice and my fault.
How I survived and came through it all is a long story.
I lost everything, my family, my self, my life,
I had nothing. I spent much of my life wandering around in a
drug induced daze.  No hope, no faith in anything much less myself.
That was when I found it all! It was all inside of me, I learned to believe in myself.
All I had to do was master myself and let go of everything.
I became an artist and sold my art all over the world.
I became a Buddhist and felt a calling to serve others.
I felt my heart change and I continually cry to this day at the
worlds suffering giving all of my heart, prayers n love to everyone.
The  point of this blog is to show you that whatever you set your
heart n mind too you can accomplish it. You can change yourself if you
feel it needs changing. In my experience thats all there is
in life.
I am not someone to look up to in anyway, but maybe you can see that
we all make mistakes and bad choices and yes do things that cause
hurt to others.The most important thing is to change it.
Old Chinese saying, "If you made a mistake do all you can to reverse it.
" I live by this saying. Most importantly never give up on yourself and
have no fear! No retreat. You are a true warrior of love n light.
The Buddha said a true warrior learns to conquer themselves.
Then to turn it all around and build yourself back up again.
Whether your world has been torn apart by other forces,
or by your very own hand.
My hands wish to heal and create now.
deeply bowing
All my Love n Light!
-sadmonk